Whether you're a part of a large family or there's only you and your spouse/partner, your personal histories can weigh heavily on the dynamics of present-day relationships. Unfortunately, many people carry a lot of emotional baggage with issues stemming from childhood. While it may not seem like that baggage is part of the current situation, it can actually play a major role in the challenges and conflicts you face today.

Going back to that ancient history, through family therapy, may mean the difference between having healthy, successful relationships or having everything fall apart.

1.  A Painful Past Can Have Harmful Side-Effects on the Present

Even when everything in life seems to be going well now, you may be haunted by your harmful past, feeling it in different ways, such as being depressed or having anxiety. Because the past is still a part of a person now, it changes how they perceive and respond to nearly every situation. You may become withdrawn or you might become confrontational, depending on how you process intense emotions, but either way, when you're really responding to something that happened to you a long time ago, you're putting your present relationships in jeopardy.

2. Unresolved Emotional Issues Often Inhibit Effective Parenting

If you or another member of your family is a parent, but also coping with a difficult personal history, your ability to parent could be profoundly affected. For example, someone who was physically abused as a child may be abusive to their own kids, or they may react the opposite way, by under-correcting their children, which also comes with a host of undesirable consequences. Parents deserve to be fully functional and confident, which is unlikely to happen if they're wrapped up in the emotional upheavals of the past.

3. PTSD and Other Damaging Conditions May Result in Substance Abuse

When a person is being held back by the past, yet is still unable to cope in the present, they're pulled in every emotional direction. Sometimes such a contrary and confusing dilemma leads to some form of substance abuse. Self-medicating for anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other afflictions is not uncommon; however, it's nearly guaranteed to worsen any situation.

4. The Cycle of Conflict Continues Without Therapeutic Intervention

One form of therapeutic intervention, called insight-oriented or psychodynamic therapy, works with people to help them understand how their past may be negatively impacting their present, and it can be very useful in guiding them toward being more productive in relationships, be they family or intimate. Other therapies, too, can work toward bringing someone out of their painful past into a more optimistic future and one in which they have more control. Everyone in the relationship can participate in therapy, directly or indirectly, to support the cause, solve problems, and forge a more cohesive, less-conflicted dynamic.

Although what happened to you as a child may feel like ancient history, it's still highly relevant. Your spouse/partner and other family members also have histories that, when painful and confusing, can affect the present, giving rise to constant conflict. Don't wait until things fall apart before seeking the help of a counselor. Therapy can heal old wounds and make sense of ancient troubles, and everyone deserves to resolve those lingering issues that hold them back and negatively impact the happiness they experience today.